10 Lessons I've Learned in Marriage

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

OMG! Where did 10 years go?! This May my husband and I celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary and it's such a big milestone for us! Truly we still feel like newlyweds. I still get excited when he walks through the door after work and he still thinks I'm fine as wine. Here are 10 marriage tips that have helped us  grow in love.

1. Dream together - We've recently began doing dream sessions together. It's been so great! Naturally I'm the dreamer and he's the planner; however, these sessions have been so good for us! We both share the things we'd like for the future such as where we'd like to live, education and career goals, what we hope for the children and trips we'd like to take. My wandering heart is happy and his logical heart gets to put plans in place to make our dreams become a reality.

2. Don't sulk - When I first got married I thought that a symbol of true love and connection was when your significant other just "get you". I'd have in my mind a list of things that my husband should just know about me without me even saying it and if he didn't I'd find myself sulking (upset but not saying it).  When he'd ask me what was wrong I'd say "I'm fine". I'm so glad that he takes the time to pry and find me. I've learned to have the hard conversations and speak up. He can't "get it" unless I express it.

3. He can't "make" me happy - I've learned that no one outside of myself can truly make me happy. Happiness is an inner work. It comes from the knowledge of who you are and what you truly enjoy. The load of someone else's happiness is too much for another person to bare. I've taken on my own load to understand what truly sparks joy within myself and have begun doing those things.

4.  Go on dates - I hate leaving my kids anywhere! However I've realized that it's important for our marriage to spend time alone from time to time. A baby sitter, grandparents or childcare at the gym while we work out truly helps us connect on a deeper level.

5. Step in for each other - There are no traditional gender roles in our marriage. If I need to go to work to make money while he works on a new business idea I do it. If he needs to help with laundry or dishes he just steps in and gets it done. We mutually love and respect each other enough to just step in. Sometimes we gauge each other's tolerance level and step in with the kids. If he's really tired I'd put them to bed and vice versa.

6. Put God first - God is everything to us. He is the glue that holds us together and the lens through which we choose to see each other. No matter how upset I get I stop and realize that he is truly God's best for me because He only gives good gifts. I'm His daughter and he is His son. We prayer with and for each other and that connection to God keeps us connected to each other.

7. Tell the truth - Above all we are truthful. I fell in love with my husband the moment that I realized that he wouldn't lie to spare my feelings or to save himself. He always told me the truth and that was so remarkable to me. We tell each other the truth even if it hurts. This level of honesty keeps us grounded. We know that if at any time we were to mess up we'd have to face each other with the truth and that knowledge keeps us committed.

8. Don't gossip -  At the inception of our marriage we decided to never bring family or friends into our issues. This has saved us. We guard each other's reputation. What you focus on expands and we focus on the strengths of each other.

9. Do and see new things together - Whether it's visiting a waterfall, road tripping to another state, starting a new business venture or reading a new book together, we keep learning and discovering. New experiences spark joy in our lives.

10. Laugh a lot  - Any moment can be a laughable moment in our household. We can be right in the middle of an argument and just burst out laughing. He'd say something like "you mad huh?" or mock my sulking and I'll ask him if he's getting old on me. Laughter is medicine and it keeps our marriage healthy. We go to comedy shows and try to go on double dates with hilarious friends! Listen...laughter is everything!

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