7 THINGS WE DID TO IMPROVE OUR MARRIAGE DURING A PANDEMIC

Tuesday, December 15, 2020


Marriage is amazing! Now marriage during the stressors of 2020 is a whole other beast! LOL! But seriously though. Between the stress of school opening uncertainty, a whole pandemic, financial strain, being quarantined together for almost a year, working with kids at home etc. -- there is enough to rock your marriage boat. Do not be alarmed if your marriage has hit what seems like a rough patch. You are carrying a lot right now and know that you're not alone. Here are some things that we did that helped our marriage in 2020! 


 1. We started marriage counseling - Yes we sure did! Our marriage is the most important thing to us outside of God and we decided to make sure we continued to invest in it. We are 2 different people, raised in 2 different countries with completely different ideas on many things. I'm an extrovert, he's an introvert, I'm a spender and giver and he's a saver, I'm a multitask-er and big picture thinker and he's the one that actually gets the plan in motion. Yup! God decided that we were the perfect pair!! My negatives are balanced perfectly with his positives and vice versa. However, we needed help with fully understanding and celebrating each other's differences. Those differences are going to be highlighted more than ever during this time! We love our counselors! They are a Christian couple that have no problems sharing the things that they've overcome and really help us to communicate better, identify our triggers and learn to celebrate each others differences. Check them out here


2. We continued to dream together - 2020 has tried to crush many of our dreams. However, we have decided to continue to make plans for the future. We try to make some time to take our eyes off of the present difficulties of 2020 and think about where we'd like to live in the future, what we hope to accomplish for our kids, future businesses we'd like to start and places we'd like to visit. Dreaming helps to build common goals and takes our minds off of the present.

 

 

3. We Improved Our Communication - Counseling has helped us to be able to communicate much better. One thing that we did not know was that being triggered got in the way of proper communication. Once we realized that there were real traumas behind our triggers and it had nothing to do with each other we started to have more compassion. We created a code word for when we're triggered and we now respond with love and compassion. We both also use more feeling words to express ourselves. Active listening has also helped. 


4. We helped each other with work - We joke that we are coworkers now. On top of homeschooling our children we both work. My hubby works full time and I quit my full time job during the pandemic (because it was entirely too much with 4 kids at home) and started working part time in addition to blogging. We're blessed to be able to work from home but it's not easy with 4 young people to simultaneously care for. At the beginning of the work/school day we share our schedule and goals with each other. If he has a meeting I try to have the kids occupied and if I need help with a project he's fully supportive. We see each other as partners in work, life and love. 

 

5. Housework is fully shared now - As a woman from the Caribbean I grew up with a traditional sense of marriage. Well...let me clarify. It's ingrained in me that the woman takes care of the home..however, never have I ever thought about not making money.  It brings me a strong sense of fulfillment knowing that I contribute financially. That said, I also fully held that the woman was responsible for keeping the home tidy. This most definitely was not sustainable. I approached burnout quickly. As I'm writing this blog post I can hear the dishwasher going and my husband sweeping the floor. This allows me to spend time blogging and prepare for teaching the boys today.  We've always kind of shared housework but for the most part I bore the guilt when things got out of control. These days my hubby fully holds the same level of responsibility at heart that I do for the upkeep of our home. It just kind of clicked one day. This pandemic has helped us to be a team in every sense of the word...because we had to!

The kids also help more now. We do 5 minute cleanups in each room and with 6 people in the home that results in about 30 minutes of cleanup in just 5 minutes! We love this cleanup song

 

6. We started talking more about finances -  God has been good to us and we are glad that our finances hasn't sifted drastically. I did go from a full time to part time salary but between cooking meals at home and saving on clothing, childcare etc. we are balancing things out. Can I just say that I dislike budget conversations. My hubby is a very thorough conscientious guy and I'm more on the spontaneous side. To make our budget meetings work we keep them short. To continue to feed the dreamer in me we always think about things that we can save up for and to feed the planner in him we try to give every dollar a purpose--budgeting spending for me...because you're girl has to spend! LOL.

 

7. Spend time alone together - It's hard to find time to spend alone with 4 kiddos. However, we try our best to make that a priority. We've largely been quarantining so it's been safe to take them over to grandma and grandpa's house.  This offers us some much needed relief and time to dedicate to each other. We also try to put the boys in the bed early and just watch a show together. Homeschooling has also helped us to find more time to be together. When the boys were in hybrid school it was rough trying to catch them up with homework and understand the requirements of each teacher. Now that we are homeschooling our evenings are ours again! The boys play and we chat, cook, or work on projects together...it's a totally more natural flow. No more evenings hijacked by hours of endless homework.



We hope that these tips help you. If you have any marriage questions please feel free to reach out to me on social media. 





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